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| This is another one of those holidays where girls always say...it doesn't matter what we do or where we go...but in reality, it kinda does. Girls want to see how much their man cares. They want to see it thru their actions. So for valentines, the day of love--they are supposed to have it all planned out. But let's just be honest....nobody has time for that...so I suggest you go to http://www.askmen.com It is a website I recently found. They all kinds of good advice for Valentines Day. It is for men, but I suggest women check it out to! lol. | | |
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The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa, (cheerleader captain and Class Valedictorian) during my freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night and again this morning, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, and thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!!!"
-- "We are what we repeatedly do, excellence therefore is not an act, but a habit"- Aristotle "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it". -Aristotle | | |
| MURPHY'S LESSER KNOWN LAWS
1 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2 He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who
don't.
5 Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented
fool.
6 The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance
of getting something right, there's a 90% probability
you'll get it wrong...
7 If you lined up all the cars in the world end to
end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass
them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8 If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9 The things that come to those who wait will be the
things left by those who got there first.
10 The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in
a dark room.
11 A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine
for doing well.
12 When you go into court, you are putting yourself
into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough
to get out of jury duty. | | |
| The buzzword in today's business world is MARKETING.
However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
Well, here it is:
You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and
say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
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You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of
your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in
bed."
That's Advertising.
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You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone
number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
--------------------
You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and
pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie,
brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and
then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
----------------------
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I
hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
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You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him
into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
------------------------
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
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You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome
men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one
situated towards the center and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Junk Mail.
-------------------------
You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and grabs your ass.
That's the Governor of California.
-------------------------------
You like it, but 20 years later your attorney decides you were offended.
That's America | | |
| TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10..Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! 
Life is too short and friends are too few!
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